Random Thoughts for the Day:

Emailed from my sister:

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks  more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my own  neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this — ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran  over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Bill

Friday Funnies

A tough old cowboy from Bear Lake valley in Idaho counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life that the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did so religiously to the age of 103 when he finally passed away.

The left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great grandchildren and a 14-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Story from the Jacksonville, FL, Police Dept.

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no, as he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the man to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Joe is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

Since the police have his driver’s license, they ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

My wife insisted on inserting this gem:

Made breakfast for the cranky youngsters

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and fed the baby a bottle

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She dribbled milk all over herself and my new blouse

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I loaded up the kids in the carseat and took them to daycare & school

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I was late for work, and traffic was a nightmare

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My husband called my cell phone to tell me he got laid off from his construction job

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I got to the office (I’m a Tech Analyst)

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My supervisor chewed me out

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for misplacing the mouse

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I went out for lunch and got caught in the rain

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I left work early to pick up my new eye glasses (wrong size)

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I then picked up the kids from school & daycare

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Fed them all a quick meal

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Drove the boys to karate lessons

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And, then the girls to tap & ballet

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When we got back home, all they wanted to do was watch TV

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and, sing karaoke instead of doing their homework

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After much chaos, they took their baths & got ready for bed

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And after much hounding, they brushed their teeth

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Then I read them their nightly bedtime stories

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They finally went to sleep

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So, I tried doing some aerobics in the living room

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Now, I think I’m getting a migraine

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and, a runny nose

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I’m pretty certain it’s the flu

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After a long and grueling day, I crawled into bed and was just drifting off when

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I realized I had forgotten something

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And next week, I’m off to the spa and pool for some much-needed rest and relaxation with my girlfriend

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Tough Love vs. Spanking – Good Argument

Most people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of ‘those moments.’

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it’s the vibration from the car, others say it’s the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,

Your Friend

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This works with grandchildren, nieces, and nephews as well.

Bye now.