A tough old cowboy from Bear Lake valley in Idaho counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life that the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did so religiously to the age of 103 when he finally passed away.
The left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great grandchildren and a 14-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Story from the Jacksonville, FL, Police Dept.
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no, as he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the man to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Joe is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
Since the police have his driver’s license, they ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.
My wife insisted on inserting this gem:
Made breakfast for the cranky youngsters
and fed the baby a bottle
She dribbled milk all over herself and my new blouse
I loaded up the kids in the carseat and took them to daycare & school
I was late for work, and traffic was a nightmare
My husband called my cell phone to tell me he got laid off from his construction job
I got to the office (I’m a Tech Analyst)
My supervisor chewed me out
for misplacing the mouse
I went out for lunch and got caught in the rain
I left work early to pick up my new eye glasses (wrong size)
I then picked up the kids from school & daycare
Fed them all a quick meal
Drove the boys to karate lessons
And, then the girls to tap & ballet
When we got back home, all they wanted to do was watch TV
and, sing karaoke instead of doing their homework
After much chaos, they took their baths & got ready for bed
And after much hounding, they brushed their teeth
Then I read them their nightly bedtime stories
They finally went to sleep
So, I tried doing some aerobics in the living room
Now, I think I’m getting a migraine
and, a runny nose
I’m pretty certain it’s the flu
After a long and grueling day, I crawled into bed and was just drifting off when
I realized I had forgotten something
And next week, I’m off to the spa and pool for some much-needed rest and relaxation with my girlfriend
Tough Love vs. Spanking – Good Argument
Most people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of ‘those moments.’
One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.
Some say it’s the vibration from the car, others say it’s the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.
Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.
I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.
This works with grandchildren, nieces, and nephews as well.