As usual, my sister has come through again with some tidbits to ponder as the year ends:
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on the little bottles of Evian water? Spelled backwards, Evian is NAIVE.
2. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
3. If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the ‘Jags’, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the ‘Bucs’ what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do now recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists to not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’, why aren’t people from Holland called ‘Holes’?
7. If a pig looses it’s voice, is it disgruntled?
8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
10. Why isn’t the number ‘11’ pronounced as ‘onety-one’?
11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
14. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me … they’re cramming for their final exam.
16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
18. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
21. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
23. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells … ‘THEIRS’?
Happy New Year!!!