Coupla Funnies

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower abdomen.

Then he placed his hand on her left inner arm, moved past the side of her breast again, worked down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.  Then he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.  He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch television.

As she had become quite arounsed by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice: “That was wonderful.  Why did you stop?”

“I found the remote.”

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A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students that “human beings are the only animals that stutter”.

A little girl raised her hand.  “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”  She said.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well,” She began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”

“That must have been scary.”  Said the teacher.

“It sure was,” said the little girl.

“My kitty raised her back, went ‘Ssssst, Sssssst, Sssssst!’ but before she could say ‘Stay!’, the Rottweiler ate her”