Stupid Cold

What a heck of a way to start a new year.  The wife and I have been trading colds.  Early last year, I gave her a cold and in December she paid me back.  I’ve had hot and cold flashes for most of the last 24 hours.  ‘What’s a cold flash?’ I hear you asking.  I know there may not be such a thing as a cold flash, but that’s what it feels like.  I’m simply sitting in the living room and suddenly I get the shakes and it feels like a cold wind has attacked me.  That’s a cold flash.

Drinking lots of liquids seems to help – especially my favorite brand of scotch.  Just kidding; although a nice hot toddy does help my throat somewhat.  Note to self: if the little squirt bottle of honey has ‘sugared’, don’t put it in the microwave to melt because it will do just that; the whole dam thing.  I managed a cup of peppermint tea with a tot of rum and that did help my throat but overstimulated my sinus(s) and I ended up blowing my nose hundreds of times.  Where does all that stuff come from?  I figure that somewhere out there three people are using teleportation to transfer crud into my head.

Yesterday we woke to snow on the ground.  It has remained cold enough to keep it there.  I haven’t ventured out since the day before and, frankly, I think I’m coming down with cabin fever in addition to my cold fever.  I guess that dovetails nicely with my hot flashes.  Hey!  Wait a minute!  Isn’t ‘cold fever’ an oxymoron?

While I was typing this post, my Thunderbird bonged (making my head reverberate). My buddy sent me a funny joke.  I’ll repeat it here:

= = =

On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When Saint Peter shows up, they asked him.

Saint Peter says, “I don’t  know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an answer … for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn’t work?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together FOREVER?”

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple, “you CAN get married in Heaven.”

“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, … what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.

“OH, COME ON!!”  Saint Peter shouts, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?

= = =

On that note, I find it is time to blow my nose again.  Oops, sorry.  I mean ‘brow by node’.

 

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