HTML is a four-letter word

I’ve been busily (for the last three days) doing some much-needed updating on my web site.  Until I get all the paged done, nothing get put up.  There are so many flavors of HTML out there that I hardly know where to begin.  The very first line – the one that tells the browser what the page actually is) kept throwing an error even though the whole line was syntactically correct.  I kept shortening it until all it read was “Doctype HTML”  Take THAT you stupid browser!

“RANT”

For the purposes of this diatribe, I will not use the carets (“<” and “>”) that indicate to the browser that a HTML code is coming up (or just left).  The very worst of it all was setting up the style sheets.  What a load of BS & /BS.  Drop one little ampersand “&” and the whole line goes crimson and nary a clue exists as to WHY it did.

Because I am too cheap to actually purchase good web designer software, I am churning this out in Notepad.  It is a good text editor and can be set up to not wrap lines.  This is a good thing, unless you have a line of code that stretches to infinity and beyond.  I tried Word, but Clippy kept sticking his nose into my business and trying to “guide” me.  I finally retaliated by wasting his ass.  Bwa ha ha!

For those who would really love to do harm to Clippy, you can search for two files and delete them: clippit.acs and clippit.acg.  There are other acs and acg files too (Dot, F1, Logo, Minature, and Rocky)  Kill all of those and they won’t peek over your shoulder and steer you onto the rocks.

But I digress; back to HTML.  Several of my pages have multiple pictures on them.  I spent two hours trying to get three pictures to sit side-by-side.  Who knew that if you position the first one with “align=left” and the rest set to “align=center” that they will all fall in nicely in a horizontal row.  I also tried for a while to indent some text using all sorts of strange combinations of code.  Who knew that a simple command (“UL” and “/UL”) would do it nicely. You can even nest them to do a double-indent.  I mean, it IS intuitive, isn’t it?  I now remember the code by the phrase “Uberpush Line”.

Fortunately, I use Firefox.  I love it.  I’ve been using it ever since version .00001.  One of it’s best features is a context menu item named “View Page Source”.  I love it!  Using this, and going back and forth from my Notepad HTML code, saving it, and clicking the refresh button, I can actually tell when I’ve screwed up made an error and have to fix it.

I think that the one thing that bugs me the absolute most are tag pairs (opening/closing) that you absolutely have to have – except if you have an enclosed tag that negates the use of a closing tag.  Huh?  Howzat?  Take, for instance (please), the simple Paragraph tag (“P”).  Using this tag, you can set text apart from other text as in a paragraph.  Now, if you happen to want to indent that paragraph (remember the UL and /UL?) you can forget the closing “/P”.  That’s right, you don’t need it because the paragraph closing is “implied” by the closing /UL.  It took me three books and a Google search to find out why my terminating /P kept turning red.

Now, I’m sure there are HTML people out there that are shaking their heads and saying stuff like “ignoramus” and worse, but this is MY web site and I want it MY way – not the way that Front Page or Pagebreeze thinks it should be.  Besides, I’ve been programming for just under 50 years now (started in 1964) and the word “nevah say quit” isn’t in my vocabulary (well, actually, it’s three words – but you know what I mean).

Bleah!

“/ RANT”

So, how was your week?

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