Another funny from my sister

The following questions were asked in last year’s GED examination
These are genuine answers …………and they WILL breed.

(For those of you who don’t know what a GED is:  It means “General Educational Equivalent”, and is the same as a High School Graduation Certificate.)


Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids

A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs              (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery               (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow                                               (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..                (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium            (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.                              (Julius Seizure: I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness

A. When you are sick at the airport.                  (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.                      (OMG)

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

And that’s the way it is……

Bill

A Very Smart Person

My granddaughter, Briana, was inducted into the honors society of Phi Theta Kappa last night.  This is an invitational fraternity that just contains just the upper 10% of the highest 24% of students in a two-year university.  It is the same as Phi Beta Kappa in a four-year university.  Last quarter, her GPA (grade point average) was 4.0 – the highest you can get.  Straight “A”‘s.

I wish I could show some pictures, but the ceremonial portion didn’t allow picture taking and my camera lacks low-light definition.  If I had brought my elderly Canon, I could have taken pictures in the near-infrared range.

We are so very happy for her.  She’s worked hard, hasn’t missed a day, and will soon be driving herself to school instead of relying on us.  We will probably make my little Eagle available to her; or my stick-shift truck once she gets the hang of it.